The Gospel of Dirty French Girl

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Have you ever wondered how DFG came to be?

Just like other famous saviours, DFG also has a holy origin story! Read on to find out how and why DFG has blessed your life this festive time of year!

And do not forget, if you wish to support our most holy cause, order your Christmas gifts before the 20th of November for guaranteed delivery before Christmas day! You can email us on info@dirtyfrenchgirl.com, dip into our DMs or order direct on the website 😉

In the name of the mother, the daughter, and the Goddess: may DFG be with you always!


THE RAVE

It’s November and Mary is out with her boy friend Joseph. They are partying hard at this banging rave somewhere in Berlin’s underground party scene. It’s a bit chilly out, but everyone is dancing so much they can’t feel the cold! Mary and Jopseph have been popping E, MD, drinking shroom tea, and Mary is fairly sure she just saw Joseph do a tab of acid… I mean, either way, they are living their best life and loving the partay! The crowd is thrumming with energy, almost moving as one entity, the collective dancing moving as a wave throughout the underground cave like building that has become they’re venue for the night. As the night progresses, Mary feels her sense of elation grow, she is happy, floating, in love with everyone and everything that surrounds her, in love with her boy friend Joseph, in love with that banging disco ball dangling of the ceiling… and as this feeling intensifies, she begins to see things… angels floating in the room, lights so shiny they’re almost blinding, and then she realises Joseph is seeing them too!

THE JOINT HALLUCINATION

Mary and Joseph are transfixed, staring at the ceiling! A beautiful creature from another world has appeared! At first Mary thought she was the only one to see this other wordly being, but then noticed Joseph staring, gob smacked, as well! Is it the drugs? By how come they are seeing the same thing? Are they witnessing a miracle? Mary dares not speak for fear of breaking whatever magical spell has befallen the rave! Time has slowed, the music is dampened, and then they hear this magical creature talk, as if already in their heads. Mary reaches out to hold Joseph’s hand, for comfort but also to know they are bearing witness to this together.
“Mary, after tonight you shall be with child! This child is a gift from the Goddess! You shall name this child Dirty French Girl, and she shall save all human kind by her simple presence on earth!”

And as fast as she had appeared, this creature of wonder vanished. The music was as loud as ever again, time zipped back to normal speed. Mary and Joseph knew they were the only two to have witnessed the spirit enter and leave the rave.
They know, without a shadow of a doubt, that was the spirit said was true. But Joseph didn’t quite understand how Mary was going to get pregnant, he has had a vasectomy, and Mary thought Dirty French Girl was a hella weird name for a kid…

THE HANGOVER

The next morning was not kind to Mary and Joseph. All the fun from the previous night was catching up with them, and making them pay double with pain. They had head achs that felt like crowns of thorns and their limbs were heavy and useless as if weighted down by iron nails. 
Knowing they are not going to be in Berlin for much longer, Mary drags herself out of bed to go see her sister, Elizabeth, one last time before leaving. After about ten coffees, five ibuprofens and a horrifically cold shower, she feels awake and somewhat human. Leaving Joseph in bed (who seems to be having flashbacks, maybe from the acid… who knows?) she makes her way to her sister’s flat.

MARY AND ELIZABETH

Elizabeth being Elizabeth, she greets Mary with cocktails ready to go and present Mary to a her new pet donkey: John.
As they catchup, Mary tells her sister all about the hallucination she and Joseph had the night before! How it felt like beautiful being from another realm had touched her soul. Elizabeth laughs out loud at the thought of her little sister Mary having a child and agrees Dirty French Girl is a hella weird name for a kid. However, such a name reminds her of brand such as Pretty Little Thing or Nasty Gal… But Mary does not sow… she is a jeweller! And thus an idea begins to form in her slightly hungover, foggy and now newly tipsy brain!

THE IMAGINING

Dirty French Girl could be her jewellery brand! A Feminist brand of badass jewellery to bring out every wearers (women, men, non binary… anyone!) inner goddess’! Save humankind from boring vanilla adornment that sends your senses to sleep faster than a fat spliff! Save the world from contrite controlled style that leaves no space for self expression, personality or inclusivity! DFG could champion the weirdos, and bestow upon the normos a path to discover the weird inner Dirty French Goddess! Mary is excited, she is buzzing with ideas and a burning desire to give DFG life! This idea fits! It’s perfect! And the name makes so much more sense for a Brand than for a child! She runs (as well as her half hungover half tipsy body will allow) through Berlin back to Joseph, to tell him the good news!!! She hasn’t cheated on him (obviously), his vasectomy is still ok, and DFG is a jewellery brand, a brain baby, not an actual baby baby! (Joseph had never looked more relieved in his life!)

FLYING HOME

Mary is beyond excited now. She has a tingly feeling in her fingertips and toes, as if DFG can’t wait to come out and be created. Joseph is caught up in the excitement, thinking up ways they can take the jewellery and design world by storm. As they travel to the airport to fly home to Britain, they babble and talk so fast, making so many plans, they sound as if they are speaking in tongues. They board their plane, a small little people carrier craft, and take off for a slightly bumpy flight home.

ONLINE REGISTRATION

Mary has done her research. Before anything else, she must go online and register as a British Sole trader. The government, of course, wants an up to date list to make sure everyone pays their taxes accurately and have a list of who does what where! 
So Mary and Joseph land at Gatwick, grab their bags, get a couple of tickets for the Gatwick express, and start to make their way back to their home in Greenwich. They currently live in a Guardianship property, an old police station that has been turned into the home of about 40 creative individuals. Mary can’t wait to be back, and tell her fried Shannon all about her jewellery world domination plans!
After an hour of dragging their bags through the London underground and making sure they hopped onto the correct DLR, Mary and Joseph are home! As Joseph sets to work cooking dinner for Mary and himself, Mary throws herself on her laptop, goes to the sole trader government registration website, and takes the first step in her new wondrous Dirty French Girl adventure! This nazarethian task takes her about 80 minutes to complete, but once it was done she felt a blessed calm take over, her fingers and toes no longer tingling. And perfect timing, Joseph had finished dinner, washed up all the pots and pans, and was waiting for Mary to eat!

THE BIRTH OF DFG

And that is how Mary’s brain baby: Dirty French Girl, was born! Mary prepared to spread the gospel of DFG, shower the world in DFG jewellery, and do the Goddesse’s work 😉 (and she decided she will let Joseph help…)


WORLD DOMINATION 
Dirty French Girl begins her world domination. She is doing show after show, all the fashion weeks! Photographers, fashion designers, models, actors…. Everyone wants to wear her designs! No one can get enough! She starts by dominating London, but doesn’t waste much time before expanding across the whole globe. 
Next step… space!

ALL jewellery and faces by Dirty French Girl

Story by Dirty French Girl

Images used :

“Birth of Christ” Lorenzo Costa | “The Transfiguration” Raphael | “The Last Judgement” Micheal Angelo | “Mary and Elizabeth” Earl Heinrich Bloch 1866, Private Collection of Regina Hunter | “Assumption of Mary” Radio Teopoli | “Assumption of the Virgin” Bartolome Murillo